There are times that you have to take a step back from where you are to ask yourself, "Are you helping or hindering?" I was humbled and ashamed of my actions over the past few months. Instead of being that positive person I try to be, I was being the opposite and justifying in.
I had allowed myself to stay on the defense, becomeing disrespectful and guarded. I stood on the fact that I promised myself, I would never allow anyone to disrespect or treat me the way I was treated during my first marriage. However, I had taken this to a new level, instead of protecting myself, I was being the negative disrespectful person. When I was around certain people, I was automatically on the defense before a word was spoken. I was judging them the way I had been judged in the past, by what others told me. When I started allowing my walls to come down and was confronted with how I was acting, it stopped me in my tracks.
I immediately was taken back to how I felt when I was treated this way, and asked for forgiveness. I prayed and spoke to others asking for forgiveness. What now?
Now, I'm working on a healthy balance of protecting myself and trusting. I seek for the positive, the bright side as I grow. I learn from this dark place that I've been in, I'm wiser from being there but I don't want to go back nor do I want to make anyone feel this way again. My healing started with their forgiveness, now . . . I have to forgive myself.