I was slapped in the face by a reality I didn't want to believe. Over a year ago, my daddy and niece disowned me. I thought surely they will come to their senses but that is not what has happened. It has grown roots and now my great-niece has gotten on this Grudge Bus. How do I know this. I went to a softball game, just to watch. I wasn't there ten minutes when the police came and called me over to him. He told me, it had been requested by the staff, that I leave. I had every right to be there. I hadn't spoken a word to anyone. But I was accused of causing an altercation and was escorted off the property. I left without fighting back, without trying to defend myself, I simply went to my car, began to cry and left.
Over the next few hours I cried, and screamed. I prayed and even yelled at God, WHY!?! I conceded that I was a horrible person and deserved to be abandoned by friends and family. Then my person, my daughter expressed her anger at how I was being treated. She said, you know in your heart if you need to apologize to feel better. Her words rang true, You know in your heart. That's when the light bulb came on. I do know.
I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, I made the best choice for my family. Not just my immediate family but my whole family. I had other options. I could have not told anyone and we all would've lost. I could've given back, but that was fraud and we all would've lost. I was up-front and told the truth, saved what would've been lost, but I lost part of my family in the process. I've punished myself because of this lose, feeling bad and carrying this guilt like a catalyst around my neck. I knew I was making the best decision, however I hurt someone I love and I couldn't forgive myself. Until now.
The ridiculousness of having the cops called on me, for my presence. It's just as ridiculous for me to punish myself. I don't owe anyone an explanation for my actions. This is between me and my God. I know in my heart.
The same holds true with all the choices they've made. Now, I have to find forgiveness in my heart for both myself and the hurts they caused in my life, so God can set me free. Unforgiveness causes resentment which turns into anger, which then opens all types of contention and strife in your life. I've lived in Peace. I've lived in Contention and Strife. I prefer Peace.
My eyes were opened to the fact that God took the toxic people out of my life. I began to believe that it was me. They walked away because I wasn't good enough, that I was a horrible person. Why else would my best friend and some family turn their backs on me? It had to be me. I've lived in this self condemnation for over a year. That's enough!! The truth is . . . God moved them. He didn't do this to me but for me. I'm a very loyal person, loyal to a fault. I don't leave people, even with they hurt me. I'm fast to forgive and move on. He had to move them for me. but instead of seeing it as a blessing, I've grieved. I've be sad and felt sorry for myself.
That's when my person, gave me another nugget of wisdom. She said stop talking about what you don't have and talk about what you do have. Wow! That's so simple. When I started naming the things I do have, I knew how blessed I am. I have an amazing husband that loves me. He has shown me what unconditional love really is. I have the best daughter, who is my person, and my best friend. We have been through so much together and we really get each other. I have a son who is praying for me. Then there is my sister, and my niece, Summer, and my running friends. The list goes on and on. I am blessed. God did this for me, not to me.
Stop saying why me. Look at what you are going through from a different prospective. The same thing you are asking why about could be a blessing. Refocus. This may take a minute or over a year but continue to look for the blessing in every things that happens in your life. Count your blessings.