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Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

Everyone has a story. Here’s mine. Growing up, I was always under-weight. I got teased on a daily basis because of my size. I’ve heard all the skinny jokes from “you need to run around in the shower to get wet” and “if you turn side-ways, and stick out your tough, you’d look like a zipper” and the list goes on and on. I never got picked for sports because I was so small and forget shopping. We could never find anything that would fit. My mom would buy the smallest size, then sew pleats in them. They still didn’t fit but wouldn’t fall off but those pleats were deadly on boney hips. No one ever noticed the body shaming I endured. It wasn’t my fault that I couldn’t gain weight. I ate like a pig, double what most people ate, however never gained weight. I was a very active, a hyper like girl, that enjoyed life and the outdoors.

As I got older, through high school and into my adult life, I stood at 5’8″ and weighted in at a hefty 95lbs. Yes, that is too little but again, I had no control over it. A number of friends and family, including my husband at the time nick named me, Olive Oil. I broke 100lbs after my second child was born but again got down to my pre-pre-pregnaicy of under 100 for a few years. When she was about 6 or 7,  my doctor diagnosed me with hypertension, the BP meds slowed my heart rate so much that I didn’t want to do anything. I would sit on the cough. A few years later, I tore my ACL and MCL which required surgery. A few years after that a radical surgical hysterectomy pushed me over the ledge into surgical menopause. Let me tell you, these were a rough years!! During all this time, I gained weight and the next thing I knew I was in a depression and weighed in at 172 lbs. I know this isn’t heavy, but to me, it was devastating!! Not only had I gained but I shrunk as well.

Standing before me in the mirror was a person I didn’t recognize. A person that had let her emotions control her over the years, and had lost her joy. It was time to, “Suck it up Buttercup!” That’s what I did! Over the last few years I’ve made myself exercise and motivated myself to get through it. I got my emotions under control and started feeling better about myself. Within the last 2 months, I joined Weight Watchers, use my WW app to track everything. Even those days I know I’ve ate too much, I track! After all I didn’t get to this place over night. I worked hard at stress eating, social eating and gaining weight in general. I’m going to have to work harder to get fit and healthy. At this point in my journey, I’m not worried about the number on the scale anymore, I take in account how I feel. That I can look at myself in the mirror and know I am being the best I can be. I can smile once again and have my Joy back. It doesn’t hurt that I’ve lost 20.5 lbs over the last 2 months, my clothes fit better and I feel better in my own skin.

What I would like for everyone reading this to take away is, no one is perfect! We all get bullied over our weight no matter how little, big or even if you have the perfect frame, someone has something negative to say. Heck, like myself, we even bully ourselves. Take a moment every day to be positive about yourself. Remind yourself, You are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made!! You are a Beautiful Person!! Be Thankful for every breath you take, your a Winner!! Believe it and you can Achieve it!

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